I relapsed. I saw it coming, not miles away, but just suddenly.... At the local store they have this huge box of ethanol-based hand sanitizer, I know it's crazy... hand sanitizer....
I do however currently stay in what you could call an 'addicts' home, there are personnel here 24/7, so if I need anything, I can always call them or go to their 'office' (which is more decorated as a cozy room)
After the relapse I had a chat with one of whom works here. I denied that I had been drinking - but I felt so guilty about lying that I sent her a message.... just admitting it all.
Well, that was one day.... I need to remember the BS alcohol has served me for the last 10-11 years
I decided to quit. So damnit, polar, just quit. I found out I've been at rehab 16 (!) times, 2-4 months each. I really miss each and every one of them. Got new friends, was sober, etc.