It didn’t occur to me that he wasn’t dry during those periods. I feel like I can tell when he’s been drinking, only because when he has no privacy and access to alcohol (on vacation and/or staying with family, for example) and isn’t drinking, he’s moody, withdrawn, and irritable.
Thanks for your input regarding my teens. I am glad I talked with them and was clear that we are the adults and will handle this. I needed their buy-in before confronting my husband, and honestly, I wasn’t sure how to do that without discussing Options A (telling him to leave) and B (we leave to stay with family or a hotel). Both would require logistical planning, including booking flights if we stayed with family. If my husband refused to leave, my teens would have to leave the home with me and they have appointments and practices this week that would be disrupted if we stayed with family. Staying in a hotel would mean tight quarters and would inconvenience them.
To answer your questions, no, I do not want more of the same. My husband called this morning and said he’d do whatever I asked of him to return home, and he is sorry for putting us through this. My two conditions that he agreed to was that he can come home after he chooses a recovery program and has attended the first meeting, and he commits to attending a family counseling session this week to agree to a plan going forward. I do not want to be in this situation again, and I need a plan that we all agree to in the event of a relapse.
He is at an AA meeting right now.
What do you think? Is our best chance for moving forward successfully as a family to keep him out of the home until he’s worked a program for a set period of time? I used to get so angry and take things personally, but you’re right- I’m no longer taking it personally after learning that this really is something that he cannot control without outside help. I have more compassion for him now, and I’m also feeling free from the anger and hurt, which for me is a big deal.