Macy...I think that one thing that you are missing is that ALL alcoholics lie---because it is integral to alcoholism. I have never met an alcoholic that didn't lie in order to continue drinking and the behaviors that go along with it...like cheating, hiding bottles, etc.
In my opinion, it is unrealistic to expect an alcoholic not to lie. An alcoholic will do anything--anything--in order to continue to drink---even if doing so harms himself and those close to them. This is alcoholism---it is integral.
If an alcoholic were to stop lying---they would have to be intensly working a program of recovery. It is not enough to go to a few AA meetings and sit through them. It requiires a committment that is diligently adhered to---at the top priority in his/her life. It involves having a sponsor and lots of time devoted to the program. It means working through all of the steps ---and doing ii FOR A LIFETIME.
They have to want it above anything in life.
This---even if it does happen, it needs--to be in actual recovery mode---not Just putting the bottle down. It requires a total life shift. It takes time---lots of time...anywhere from one to five years---depending on the individual person.
I have, personally, never had to get past cheating---but, even in relationships where there is no addiction...all of the evidence indicates that it is really hard and both parties have to work really hard...and, usually with ongoing good professional help. No everyone seems to be able to do this.
I don't think, from all that I have read and witnessed, that it can even be attempted unless the alcoholic has gotten into True Sobriety.