Ariesagain

Hey, if you can survive this with your sense of humor intact, you’re a strong individual. Good for you!

You seem to be a straightforward person. Okay, so here’s the deal…statistically, the odds that she is going to come out of rehab and stay in recovery are about 4-5%. Those are not great odds, especially as this is her second stint in rehab and after 70 days there what she’s mostly been doing with her time there, apparently, is cheating on you.

This is a key sentence in your first post….

She shouldn’t come home. She needs to go to a sober house, for your kids’ wellbeing first and foremost, but also not least because she’s violated your trust. I suspect her sudden change of heart may be related to her wanting to come home, where she can do what she wants, instead of going into a sober house environment where she would be held accountable.

There are many truisms around here…the first is, if you want to know if someone is really in recovery, tell them “no.” Tell her she can’t come home until she’s been at a sober living facility for six months, minimum. You may well find out what’s really behind her supposedly new attitude.

Second truism…”more will be revealed.” It will. But, especially as you’re overseas and can’t see what’s going on with your own eyes, the top priority has to be keeping her addiction from affecting your children and keeping her potentially violent paramour (and his potentially violent friends and family) out of your house and your life. I suspect he’s not done with her nor her with him.

I’m so very sorry you’re having to deal with this on top of being deployed. That’s a lot of stress at once. I hope you can work on detaching from the situation a bit and maybe, at least, the distance might give you some perspective that being right in the middle of the tornado would not.

I wish you well.

ETA: So while I was typing that, you had already come to the same conclusion. You know, your instincts are really good…trust your gut, yes?