Originally Posted by
SparkleKitty 
If you do not trust her right now, then you don’t trust her. Full stop. No amount of password sharing (which *is* incredibly controlling, yes) will alter that—only time and action will earn her your trust. It can’t be forced.
Moreover, if she is embracing recovery, she will understand that the loss of trust is a result of her choices. She will be patient and understand that your relationship, if it is to survive, may unfold on a different timeline than before.
If she is pushing too far, too fast, then she isn’t ready for a mature and healthy relationship. She just wants to avoid doing the work that it will take to earn one.
Yes, timeline. Nailed it on the head. I just am not the kind of person that wants to be or needs to be controlling like that. This whole thing has turned me into a basket case. I'll get home and focus on my kids and my life and if she has embraced recovery as she should, then it'll work itself out. But she just can't walk back into my life and live under my roof with my children until I'm comfortable with where she's at. I know that's going to be hard for her to accept but this isn't my fault that this is where we're at. And if those terms are not acceptable to her, then I guess that's it. It's not like I'm going to marry the first person I meet (she might though lol) and maybe in a year or two if she's really changed, there's a chance. Hopefully she accepts the terms and accepts responsibility for her actions.
The biggest eye-opener to me about all this, well two things, is that recovery is a lifelong process and just the lengths addicts will go to manipulate and lie about the real problems. Just a lot to handle and may go beyond my limits.
As they say, better to have loved and lost than to have lived with the psycho for the rest of your life.