trailmix

Hi case and welcome. When I read your post and saw this part I thought - too bad it all didn't end there.

Everything after that is just a muddle of their drama making. No, she's not in recovery (I doubt he is either but he's kind of beside the point I suppose). Some guy comes along and strokes her ego and she's off and running. She said it was only kissing but hey, the guy said they colluded to lie to you, no reason to believe she wasn't lying earlier too. Besides, is your girlfriend kissing another guy ok? And the texts?

I wouldn't trust, at this point, one word she says. Trust is earned. Also, how can you "forgive" her for something that is continuing? It's like if someone wrongs you and apologizes then turns around and does it again. What is the original apology good for? It's meaningless and is probably just a stop gap measure to assuage their guilt (and make the other person quiet for the moment).

You have children, please don't let her move right back in. That so seems like a disaster in the making. Active alcoholics make terrible parents as I'm sure you know at this point and she needs a lot more time before she will be on that road (assuming she wants to be on that road at all). I'm sure your kids have been through enough. Sober living for her sounds like a great idea (whether she wants to or not isn't actually your problem - that's hers to sort out).

You are not responsible for her you know? She is a grown person and ideally she needs to be able to look after herself and should really want to. A year of solid sobriety and recovery (working on issues) is usually a good marker for when you might consider having her move back in (if you decide to do that).