Originally Posted by
SparkleKitty 
But just so you're aware, recovery isn't a magic balm to fix a relationship. If you have never known her sober, she may not be someone you want to be in a relationship with. You may not be someone she wants to be in a relationship with. Recovery is selfish and may not leave her any emotional space for a relationship. There are about a million unknowns in circumstance of recovery that neither one of you can predict--and on top of that, unless she is willing and ready to work that recovery for the rest of her life, she will always be one drink away from relapse and picking up right where she left off.
Case, I wanted to second what a lot of good people have said so far. People can and do have healthy, fulfilling lives despite battling addiction. However, it’s not like a flu where you get better and then “it’s gone” and won’t come back. Or where starting treatment is a reliable indicator that things will get better. It’s more like trying to put a chronic illness, or cancer, into remission. It will be a lifelong commitment, and as so many people here know, it has to be her committing to care for herself. Recovery is a lot of work that you don’t get to take a break from doing. She has to know that the work is worth it, even when it’s really hard or sucks. And if she is doing recovery for anyone else, at the hardest/lowest points of life she might doubt why she is sticking with it.
Our loved ones can still hurt us on the journey to long-term recovery, and often unintentionally, but the recovery has to take first priority (even over relationships) especially at the start. Is there a “line” for you, where even if she does get better longterm, she’s hurt you too much along the way to reconcile? And if that’s not what you want, what can you do to protect yourself and your family now so she can’t hurt you so much that there’s no return? We can’t control how hard or long or complicated the recovery process is for our loved ones. We can just control how safe WE are at the time.