Long distance AX
Hey everyone
I’m new here and I’m grateful to have found this place. I’m feeling kind of lost and a little embarrassed about a relationship I’ve just got out of. I guess I just wanted to vent somewhere people might have some understanding.
I got dumped last weekend by my long distance partner who has been suffering from alcoholism since they were 16 (8 years). They were very loving towards me and pursued me pretty intensely the entire time we had known each other. We used to talk on the phone for hours and hours at a time.
We had been together for 6 months which I know isn’t very long but it was very emotionally intimate, not volatile at all really and I kept my cool when I felt maybe they were triggered, to the point where I think it probably made them anxious and unsure of what to do.
I’m a fairly gentle but call-it-as-I-see-it person who has been working on themselves and my attitude to relationships for a long time. I’m not perfect but I value honesty and communication and always try my hardest to do so in a loving way, I even set boundaries with loved ones now (woohoo big deal for me!). I was open with them at every turn but could never really figure out what they wanted from me despite gently asking or giving opportunity.
They had been doing well with sobriety when we were together, going for stints of over a month sober before relapsing.
They had been sober for well over a month when they called me one morning after we had just watched a documentary together and I had spent the previous night with them and their older brother playing video games. They told me a bunch of hurtful things like “I didn’t make them unhappy but I didn’t make them happy” as well as telling me they loved me but that they just weren’t good at relationships and that they were worried they were going to **** up and so they ended it. I told them over and over again to tell me what they needed to feel safer and relaxed and not to worry about ******* up (because everyone does?) and that I would even wait for them but no avail. They told me that they would be the person they were with me in “an ideal world”. So was this persona a lie? I guess it’s just strange and maybe I underestimated the extent of their problem.
They’re not doing very well now. They seem to have thrown themselves into a very obsessive codependent platonic friendship - the two of them post about each other all the time, every hour even. My ex is posting about how much they like to drink even though they told me they need to be alone to get sober. They even made a snarky post alluding to me not really being serious about them which hurt my feelings a lot because they know I love them and they said themselves to me I’m “a wonderful person” so then why publicly degrade me? There’s been no contact since we broke up.
Why get rid of me just to destroy their life and all their hard work like that? Was everything a lie? Could I have done something more? I’m confused. I know deep down that it’s a good thing they’re gone because I feel like the worry has gone from my body but I can’t help but feel confused and upset about the whole thing as well.