Originally Posted by
edoering 
Me too! In the early days of my relationship I had secret (youthful) hopes that he would recover so “well” that someday I could just have a drink at dinner or smoke a little weed with my husband. I thought that was something to look forward to in a “grownup” relationship. I’m very cautious in general, and never really partied as a kid, so I looked forward to a “safe place” to try some things in moderation. Well, I’ve learned two things: 1) the side effects and price of weed and alcohol outweigh any mildly pleasant effects just for myself, and 2) my AH and I are fundamentally different in that moderation isn’t actually possible for him the way it is for me. (For the record, I never pressured my husband to reintroduce substances ever! I just naively didn’t stop him when he assured me he was ready to reintroduce. In hindsight, I don’t think I could have stopped him even if I had tried).
Ugh, I FEEL this. I am a homebody, worked hard to find our apartment, make it cozy, and build a home there together. And now, it was like I was kicked out overnight. As much as it’s breaking my heart, taking really active control over moving out as quickly as possible has helped me feel like I have some power in the situation. I am doing what I can handle to get out on my terms, rather than be left ‘holding the bag’ for him.
Would it help to find a new place you’re excited about building a future in? Or telling him that you’re keeping the house and he needs to leave if that’s possible? Obviously, I have so little knowledge of your situation and complicating factors, and I deeply HATE that one person can destroy a life built by two over so many years. It just doesn’t seem fair or right. But if there are any boundaries you have with regards to your home that are important to you, I hope you get to stand by them, and I just wanted to say I am rooting for you!
I'm a bit worried about him losing his job. I don't really see how he actually still has it. I would love for him to go back to work in the office because working from home isn't helping the situation. He won't leave the house and I can't force him, so it'd be me getting an apartment. Then what if he loses his job while we have the house and an apartment? Yet, I kinda think I need to get out before that happens. I think if he weren't working, I'd feel more trapped than I already do. I've told him multiple times, especially over the last few months, that he's going to lose everything if he continues this path. It'll be gradually one by one, but he'll lose everything.
I've also come to think that I'm just enabling him by staying. And that puts weight on my shoulders.
Btw, your AH would just reintroduce whatever substances regardless of you or your actions. It's just the way it works. So don't feel like you were responsible and should have "stopped" him.