Originally Posted by
dandylion 
flower.......you ask us "why am I still here?"......Well. flower, you tell US why you are still there....lol. After all, you know yourself better than we will ever be able to. I mean, while we know certain things that you have shared, we have never met you and cannot possibly know you completely and know all of your life experiences. You have been in your own skin from the beginning!
I am going to do some spitballing, here and go out on a limb-----I am guessing that it might have something to do with fear---something that you are afraid of if you leave your current zone of comfort---or, more properly terms as your "zone of familiarity". We humans seem to want familiarity and certainty very, very much----and, so the unknown can really shut many of us down.
I am wondering if I am even warm on this.....for you....?
If so....what are your biggest fears? Can you even say them or know what they are? I know, that, sometimes, for my self, it is even scary to say my fears to my self, because it makes me think about them.
Can you list your three biggest fears of what would happen if you were to stay gone from this relationship?
If you can list them, then, it is possible that we could help you to examine them and help you to begin to really face them....
I am wondering if you have enough support from some real life others....because this is simply too hard for anyone to go alone. We do need other people.....
I guess it was really just thinking out loud sort of thing. I don't really expect anyone to be able to tell me really why I'm still here. I'm frustrated with myself because I KNOW that I deserve better yet I'm paralyzed. I've done some things to prepare to leave but I'm still here.
Yes, I have fears of course but there are quite a few things that run through my mind. Let me see if I can pinpoint my top 3.
1. Fear of being lonely. Not alone, but lonely. I don't think that I have a very strong support system, and I've gradually lost friends over the years whether it's because I'm embarrassed by him and have isolated myself from others to avoid that or whether it's because others have steered clear because of his behaviors. If I felt lonely, I think that'll lead to depression.
2. I love the house and I don't want to deal with the stress of selling the house and everything that goes with that. He won't leave the house, so I'll have to and I just don't think it'll make any sense for either of us to be the sole person living in this house. It's too much for 1 person. However, I'm basically doing 90% of the work already & maybe even more than that. I actually think that if I were the only one at the house, it would be less work for me. But he won't leave and I can't force him.
3. I don't want to hurt him by leaving and I think it'll devastate him. Yet, he's hurt me by his addiction and continuing to do nothing about it.
These were the top 3 that popped into my head as I was thinking about it. Not necessarily in that order though.