Flower959, I'm sorry you are going through this and I understand. I read something a long time ago that has hit home recently (Based on your post I'm making a pronoun assumption but I apologize if you don't identify as female): Research has indicated that women stay in relationships two years longer than they should. You love him, you have been hopeful that the relationship could improve, but it hasn't. Another thing I just realized, is that in the throes of addiction, most addicts cannot see the continual harm they've caused, so when they start coming down and you're an emotional and physical mess, they're just ready to move onto the better parts, because they don't remember/ weren't really "there" for the bad stuff,so no real healing can take place. Hang in there, allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel, and know at the end of the day, when you are ready, you are strong enough to move on to a healthier place.