Um. Thank you. I have been. You frankly have no idea how much al anon I've attended, therapy I've been seeking... I have loved him, I was stuck between the compassion for the disease, him acting a certain way because "hes drunk".. which the first al anon slogans was "don't take it personally" so yeah... I was pissed that I tried to not take it personally, because he was drunk. But. This all came to an end when the cheating came in. I lost my spine a long time ago, tired of pressing on in day to day grind, covid shut down and decided, its time to give a relationship my 100% (ive given everything else my 100%) so I grew to love him. We had good times. He is gorgeous. Because he drinks doesn't mean he's not good looking... I can still love him, I know hes hurting. I hope he actually recovers. But I wish it was me who would celebrate those days with him, rather than the one who went down to the pits of hell with him.