Small heartbreaks continue!
So, I’m doing much MUCH better, but I did want to share a quick vent with people who get it.
After MONTHS of depression, him telling me how much he hated his job, how badly he wanted to move states, and my helping him with all those things culminating in his sudden ask for a divorce, he texts me the other day that “he’s actually excited to be going back to work, and may even go back a few weeks earlier than his FMLA max.” At first, this hurt so badly as it felt like all these promises that his misery wasn’t about me and he still loved me, blah blah blah, were lies. That he’s putting me through all of this ******** for basically no significant changes in his own life.
But I took a deep breath and remembered, ever since he started using again, it’s all been lies. Denial lies, lies he believes whole-heartedly, never an intentional lie, but never the real truth. And especially right now he’s fixated on proving how good he’s doing to me, to prove that I’m wrong about his drugs and alcohol. So of course he wants to tell me how great his job stuff is going, no matter what the truth is.
He’s just being such a dick and he’s trying so hard to believe he’s being such a good guy.