Hi Cura, glad you found SR! Sorry for what brings you here though, of course.
I hope you will spend time reading the threads in the forum, you will find stories similar to yours and that can be reassuring. The more you know about alcoholism the better, not for him, for you.
Honestly, you can't really "help" him. He has called his drinking a "maladaptive coping strategy" and that is exactly what it probably is, in his case and in many. Self medication.
The PTSD and my emotions are mine to deal with in a lot of ways and I hate that I resent the time and emotion that gets taken up by this.
That's true that those are yours, but it also means that you would probably like to be able to cope with both to the best of your ability, to take care of yourself. Very hard to do in your situation.
The most important thing here is to take care of yourself. Focus on yourself and what you want and what you like to do. You don't need to be there when he's drinking if you don't want to be. Leave the house or leave the room, his drinking issue is not yours and if you make it yours, you will go down that particularly crazy path with him.
Al Anon is a great support. They do have online meetings as well if they aren't offering face to face meetings in your area right now. You say:
.
- I have PTSD triggered by the smell of strong alcohol/sweat (not related at all to now) and his drinking triggers it.
- it's hard not to feel unloved or worthless
- My safe space mentally is home, but that's been taken away.
- I am exhausted and emotional and feeling alone
Then you say:
"It shouldn't be so hard. He's not actually hurting anyone but himself"
See the disconnect there?