'
I'd strike this word from your last Sentence because it's pejorative, me thinks:
'I even wonder if my speculating about this is just thoughts and feelings from my AV on their own, and I'm unnecessarily complicating it again.' My need was to look at associated, or complicating, factors so that I could avoid them. And, toss them out.
We were invited to an important Wedding on the California Coast 2 Summers ago. The Daughter of close Pals was marrying into serious Money, and this 30-something Crowd was going to really do up the Drugs [like Coke] and Alcohol. Dinner the Night before was on a Yacht, and I really had to scramble to find an RV Site that would take the Pooch. Lots of complications. Finally, it hit me that I was just going through the obligatory motions, and simply did not want to/need to go. We had agreed in advance to stay *only* so long at the Wedding Reception, and I was to suffer through all the Political BS this Family was known for; at the opposite end of the Spectrum from my POVs. I applied the Social Brakes I'd honed in AVRT. I wasn't going to cave, and drink. Rather, I was going to be pissed at myself that I hadn't grown a pair, and opted out of attending. As the Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Bumper Sticker says:
'If It's Not Fun Why Do It?' Indeed.
Things get complicated for me if I don't keep them simple, and remember 'No Means No'. I skip the Codie crapola. I owe nothing to anyone re: obligatory attendance. Hold that thought.
As time goes on, the need to say 'No' lessens. I've become a real HardAzz about Knee-jerk acceptance of Social Obligations where Drinking will be in excess. Initially, Weekends can be rough. Evenings. Celebrations, like Birthdays. Then, it all becomes pretty irrelevant. Choices become clear, and effortless. Thus, the need to even invoke AVRT often eases up, IME. Sober thinking becomes the default, so there's no *complicating* considerations to slog through. It's a good destination to finally arrive at.-