I was also fearful of relapse in those early days. I'm a bit in and still have that momentary top-of-the-rollercoaster feeling from time to time. It's frightening and can be anxiety-inducing for sure. I taught myself to think/say/write in that very moment, "I don't drink now." I've found that it's easy to not drink "now" because I can always not do something for just a moment. This forced me to live through some uncomfortable moments (minutes, hours, sometimes days) and I sure didn't like it. <- Understatement of the year.
But live through it I did.
I still never drink now.
Crappy things happen; I sometimes feel angry, sad, scared, lonely, insecure... all of the feels, sometimes all at the same time.
But I never drink now.
It's like the song lyric, "Sometimes all I can do is keep breathing."
All I can do sometimes is not drink.
And that's ok.
O