Thank you all for the advice!
I know I've returned to the obsessive insanity. I know I can't control him and need to think about what I need and what's best for me. It was so easy to fall back into that obsessive codependent behavior.
He has broken my trust in the past, never cheating on me with another woman, but with using.
I'm just struggling with that right now. I think I'm going to try to focus on myself while seeing how this plays out. Try not to play detective. I'm not ready to give up and leave him. I definitely need to figure out my boundaries and figure out if I can let go of resentments and build trust again.