I also have children with my addict ex-husband, but they are younger, 6 y/o and 4 y/o twins. Almost 4 years after filing for divorce, I feel like I am FINALLY starting to get in the right mindset on how to deal with this person. In my opinion, your ex has shown you that your children and their well-being is not his priority. His addiction is. Although your kids are older, they should not be burdened with making this decision....is Dad using? Should we call mom? Should we leave? I think you have to step in a draw a line in the sand. Maybe supervised visits for the day, no overnights, drug testing before/after visits. Also, if his wife is not educated about addiction, she will protect him and may not necessarily put your kids first. I would also be concerned if it was found out that you were allowing your kids to be in their father's home when you know he has been using that it could come back and harm you. You don't owe your ex anything. Keep your kids safe.