A lot of your story rings deeply familiar to me.
I was going through a lot of similar questions around 35..... took me another 6 years (and significant decline in my circumstances) to finally realize that the simple answer was:
I'm an alcoholic
Over any significant period of allowing alcohol in my life, I am powerless over it's negative impact on my life
Sobriety was the answer
AA was a powerful tool to help solve my problem
Therapy and other tools would also be useful
I'm now in year 8 of sobriety and my life has been immeasurably better for it.
Stick around. Maybe you'll come to a similar conclusion.
Thanks for sharing and opening up and being vulnerable to admit these things.... that's a fantastic start. In fact, it's the ONLY way to start.
Now it's down to you: Are you ready to do whatever it takes to have a beautiful and cherished life?
