When you lose a parent, the grief in some fashion will always be a part of you and you just have to grieve. Cry and shake your fists and the sky. The grief will come out of nowhere, even years later. My Dad was an awful person but you still grieve their passing for so many reasons and you still can love them even though you didn't really understand them. And you cannot, and indeed should not, drink it away. Grief is one of the things that makes us human and keeps us healthy and living a good life.