Originally Posted by
silversky 
Thank you for your feedback. I'm sure you're right. I'm sure my spouse would say the same. It's eye-opening. I kept pushing the envelope and got away with it. In the throes of it, there is no clarity, no ethics. I have been reading more threads from loved ones and seeing things I didn't realize. The idea of "detachment" is fairly new to me. Sadly I interpreted the silence as "no consequences." I was getting away with it. I didn't go to rehab but there were many times I thought of it as the only way to eliminate access. I wish I could say something more helpful. Your post spoke to me and I thank you.
If your husband is anything like me then he would be stressed and anxious and disappointed beyond belief. I honestly don't know how I've had the emotional energy and the bravery to try and discuss this with my wife, yet again, when I'm faced repeatedly with belligerence, denial and angriness. I get that those emotions in her were coming from a dark place but how many times can I raise it. They say the definition of insanity is repeating that same thing time after time and expecting a different outcome. Eventually we just grow tired of raising it, just to have our head bitten off, so we end up in some kind of silent stand off, our lives simply treading water while work and kids and family carry on around us, both of us stressed and grumpy, but not able to break free. There's only two ways to resolve it. The first is for the alcoholic to take steps to address their behaviour and addictions, the second is for the couple to separate so no one is then bothered by the drinking. Neither seem imminently likely in my case, and so my life slowly passes me by.
I really appreciate you taking the time to post, understanding and empathising is an excellent place to start from in trying to inch our way forward.