My stomach dropped when I read your post Bidgdrunner. I have had much in common with your wife and I also married in 2004. I've had years like you describe. About 4-1/2 years ago my dear husband gave me an ultimatum to quit or move out. I did quit that day and made it 6 months. Then I relapsed secretly for 6 months, then I quit for 18 months, then relapsed again for 2 years. Now quitting again. I never moved out and I never drank in front of my husband again. He's a decent man and a very good husband. I feel great shame about my drinking. I hold a job. We are all different but certainly share many patterns, the water bottles, hiding bottles in plain sight, drinking in my home office, the denial, the store runs, etc.
I obviously took great risks but I never wanted to leave our marriage or our house or our pets. That ultimatum was life-changing but I'm obviously still trying to change. Just sharing another experience. I don't know if my secret drinking was known by my husband, probably, maybe. I have also gone to AA meetings off and on over the years after that ultimatum. Even in relapse, I am always trying to quit. Your post makes me want to try harder. I hope there is some seed of benefit in my reply. Your post really touched me.