I find this thread oddly comforting. Kevlar, Snitch & Sash - that was me, 100%. The only thing I would add for the OP is this: the foundation of your question is that what your partner is doing is irrational, and you cannot understand why she continues to choose the same thing. To the alcoholic, alcohol is the solution & the world is the problem. I didn't believe I could survive without it. Insane, I know, but that was my reality, logic be damned.
I am grateful for this sober life, and also for this thread to remind me what preceded. To forget is to invite it back into my present.