soberlicious

I can only describe what went on in my head (but in talking with many people over the years who have also been addicted to a substance, others have described similar experiences.) Being addicted is like being of two minds. One part of you wants to quit, and often vows to do so every day. The other part wants to continue drinking. The part that wants to continue drinking will use all kinds of rationalizations and justifications to continue drinking no matter what. Sometimes I could battle for a few days with that *other* part of my brain for days and hold strong and not drink, but eventually it became too hard and I'd give in...seemingly against my own will. It was like a part of me loved alcohol more than anything, and a part of me hated it more than anything. That can be exhausting as you can imagine.

There are many models of addiction, the disease model being just one. Neuroscientists have studied addiction and new understandings come about all the time, as do new understandings/theories of the best ways to end an addiction. Among all the various theories and treatments...they have one thing in common. The only way to end an addiction to alcohol is to stop drinking alcohol. How one gets there is the question. There are choices, but the bottom line is nonnegotiable if you want to end the state of addiction.

I know the pain of addiction and I also know the pain of loving someone who is addicted. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I hope you both find relief from this. It's no way to live.