Originally Posted by
Bidgdrunner 
So, longstory short, I'm trying to understand what goes through the heads of people in this situation. Do they want to cut down, do they feel awful the next morning, do they still get hangovers like regular drinkers, do they know they're drunk and behaving ridiculously or is their sense of reality so warped that they just don't see it (or in fact, do they see it but just suppress it in order to carry on), how do they feel when they wake up having passed out on the sofa?
Hi there.
Whoa. To go inside the mind of an alcoholic. Eeek! It's not someplace I like to go unattended and I am the alcoholic lol.
I will try to answer your questions from my own experience as honestly as possible.
1. Did I want to cut down?
Yes. Absolutely. When I said I was only going for one drink I meant it. What I didn't know and what I found out in recovery is that I suffer from a physical allergy to alcohol. That as soon as I put one drink in me I set off a phenomenan of craving so strong it is impossible for me to stop. I now know it is the
first drink that does the damage.
2. Did I feel awful the next morning?
Absolutely.100% . Terrible. Not only from the physical effects, such as banging head, dehydration, sweats, racing heart but also from the mental effects. Terror, bewilderment, despair, frustration. The Big Book of AA describes it as the 4 horsemen. Also, guilt, shame, remorse. Towards the end of my drinking I pretty much woke up feeling suicidal every morning.
3. Did I get hangovers like regular drinkers?
Erm to be honest I don't know because I don't really know what regular drinkers hangovers are like. I was
never a regular drinker. I drank alcoholically pretty much from the get go. I guess in terms of the physical effects then yes, they are most likely similar. In terms of mental? I once asked my sister who was suffering from a hangover if she felt like she wanted to kill herself and she looked at me like I was mad! So maybe not.
4. Did I know I was drunk and behaving ridiculously?
No. I probably knew I was drunk in all fairness but when I was drunk I was truly insane and at that moment in time I probably did not have a clue that I was behaving ridiculously. When I was drink I thought I was right and everyone else was wrong.
5. Was my sense of reality so warped that I didn't see it?
Absolutely! My drunken life was the only one I knew and when I was in the madness my thinking was totally warped. When I sobered up I could see how bad I had been but my solution was to have another drink and blot it out. Fix the problem with the problem. Insanity.
6. How did I feel when I woke up from the sofa?
Dreadful. I would drink in my lounge until i passed out on my sofa and probably come to around 3/4 am. I would either stagger to bed and just throw myself in and try to get back to sleep, or perhaps if there was more alcohol I would drink that and then stagger to bed. Or if I had any sleeping tablets I would use one to knock me out. Awful.
I hope I have managed to answer your questions but I am not sure how helpful they may be. I am not sure if a non alcoholic will ever be able to understand the alcoholic mind. It's hard enough for us alcoholics to understand. In fact I dont even try to now. I have acceptance that I am alcoholic and I have a solution to treat it and that is good enough for me.
Please feel free to continue asking for help if you feel you need to try and gain more insight.
🙏♥️