From kevlarsjal2 post -" He often felt deeply ashamed when he heard about what stupid or dangerous things he did when he was drunk, felt absolutely rotten and demoralised the morning after a bender and was full of self hatred and despair, thinking he'd never make it out of the addiction"...........this was me.
How did I respond to this shame and and self hatred?
First swore to myself thats it a new me.
No more drinking ever.
As the day goes on my resolve to not drink starts to waiver.
Especially if no-one has called me out on my behaviour - I cant have been that bad can I?
Drive past last shop on the way home and cannot continue my journey without the magnetic force dragging me inside to buy vodka.
Usual half bottle routine goes through my head.
Come out with large bottle as it's more sensible money wise.
Drink it all in 1 night.
Wake up at 3am on the sofa.
There is an exception to this process.
If stories of shame are presented to me upon opening my eyes, start drinking straight away.