Originally Posted by
J109 
The right thing for me was done but what about for him? he surely didn’t deserve to die. I haven’t spoken to his kids yet.. it’s been six weeks and I feel like **** about it, but I have been a complete new and when he relapsed he told me they hate me, stay away, and the last time they saw me was when supposedly the fist time he drank. I didn’t want to bring that me or back. My therapist says I should worry about talking to them but I feel like items wrong, but also.. they might blame me?
I'm so sorry for your loss, I haven't been through this myself, but I'm glad you're able to reach out for support. What I can comment on is that doing the right thing for yourself is also doing the right thing for him. He was the one who made the choice to drink, even after receiving help. You are not going to be able to help someone else if you are hurting too much to care for yourself. This wasn't a case of your giving up or abandoning him. You had been in a drawn out fight for his health, and needed time to recover your strength. If your presence didn't cause or stop his drinking, how could your absence?
As for his kids, I would give it time. People lash out when they're grieving. Not only that, but your message said he was the one who told you it's your fault and they hate you, not them. I can't comment on how they feel, since I don't know. But shifting blame for drinking and pain onto a partner, and isolating them from family is very classic alcoholic/ abuser action. They may harbor ill feelings towards you, or it may not be as bad as he made it seem.
Either way, remember that you acted with both of your best interests at heart. It's easy to look back on past actions with current knowledge, and feel like they were incorrect. You need to remember you didn't have that knowledge at the time though. You did what was best for both of you, with the knowledge you had at the time, even if the current outcome feels like that isn't the case.
Keep reaching out for support. There's lots of loving people with a lot more experience in this than I have that can help you process your feelings. You'll get through this.