Originally Posted by wishinghigh1

Hi, back on here for some advice as the last time I had any issues in a relationship this forum helped me so much.
Reading back my last post was over 3 years ago when I was in quite an abusive and chaotic relationship with an alcoholic and cocaine addict, thankfully I got out of that relationship a few months after I posted.
Last year I got into another short relationship with someone who turned out to have a cocaine problem, using it at least once a week
Looking back to my teenage years my Mum drank a lot and has always said she was an alcoholic at that time, I never used to agree but as I've gotten older I do think she was.
Fast forward to now and I have been dating the most amazing man for the past 6 months. I think we both have some issues and insecurities, but we work at them and are very honest with each other. dating during covid has meant we have spent a lot of time in each others homes rather than going out and getting to know each other in a normal environment, and a lot of the time this has involved drinking and dabbling with cocaine. I have realised however that he has a drink and cocaine problem. I have tried to say that I don't want us to drink every time we see each other, and have had the odd midweek evening where I don't drink but he still does, despite me asking him not to when I'm there. He is a really happy drunk, works full time, meets all obligations etc and I'm trying to figure out why I feel so anxiously triggered when he gets drunk.
Would his drinking be an issue for me had I not had a bad experience in the past? Yes, he changes a little when he's drunk, but only in that he showers me with compliments and loving texts. He does have down days and I'm trying to establish whether there is a pattern with this following him having had a few dry days.
I don't really want to talk to him on the phone etc when he's drunk as I find it annoying. I also question my own relationship with alcohol and cocaine and wonder if I am being hypocritical when I occasionally dabble myself (albeit this has increased in frequency since I met this guy). I've never been much of a regular drinker but do binge on a night out, and I don't have very good will power when other people are drinking or doing things in front of me. It's making me wonder if I need to stop seeing him if he can't abstain when I'm there, so that I'm not putting myself under (my own) pressure not to join in.
I guess really what I'm trying to figure out is if I am being triggered by previous experiences, and what I can do to help myself if that is the case. Have been wondering if I should look into al anon to explore whether I may the one with issues.
Any help from you wise people would be much appreciated