You are not a horrible person BTG. You are just having a hard time. Be gentle with yourself today. If you are good with Hubby, focus on simplicity today. Get cleaned up and devote the rest of the day to tending to your Mom any way you can. I don't know what the possibilities are in this time of COVID. Then tend to yourself. A pizza with everything on it for dinner and that is it for the day. Yesterday is in the past so let it go.
Then tomorrow when you are feeling a bit better, time to tweak your plan, right?
Hang in there today and, again, give yourself a break. We've all done some version of what you did yesterday collectively millions and millions of times. That is what we do, and we keep doing those things until we get sober.