J109

Hi, well this has just been hell. It’s been about six weeks since he passed and I cry every day. logically I know yes you did the right thing, you got him into rehab the first time, this time it was IOP. Which I found last week he only went to 3 sessions and stopped.

I can’t stop the tears, I can’t stop the guilt, what if I said this or maybe if I said or did that it would be different he would be alive.

I miss him so much and in my head just a constant battle, you had to leave and he also didn’t want to come back because he wanted to drink and he couldn’t do that here. I think he was seeing ppl or an ex already, she just got another dui about 3 weeks before he died. So I don’t even know anymore.

I loved him so much. But the alcohol was vicious and nobody deserves that.


I regrets leaving because he died 6 weeks later. Still waiting on autopsy report which is also driving me insane... even though I know he was drinking... it’s just so sad.

I fell into a depression I have no motivation, I didn’t even get out af bed today..... am I ever going to smile again? Was the love even real? all these questions just going around and around in my head and I’m just numb still.... so

this forum has helped in supporting me with the death because it is some heavy sh*t...... but also when I read the forums and I read about, all the basic things that the partner does. the cleaning up, the stressing, the constant worry, the being about to know if they drank even by just a text message, how many more calls and horrible nights would I have had? I didn’t want that but I sure as hell didn’t want him to die either.

I see many on here 20 years in, many say to leave now otherwise you will be stuck for life a miserable one watching the person you love drink to they die.

it was what I thought hell staying away for six weeks, but nothing compared to him dying. I’m alone without him and I hate it of course.....

but also.... if I was there I could only imagine how much he was drinking or how he was. He would have gotten aggressive for sure, it is insane what you deal with on a daily basis, it’s embarrassing, hurtful.....


The right thing for me was done but what about for him? he surely didn’t deserve to die. I haven’t spoken to his kids yet.. it’s been six weeks and I feel like **** about it, but I have been a complete new and when he relapsed he told me they hate me, stay away, and the last time they saw me was when supposedly the fist time he drank. I didn’t want to bring that me or back. My therapist says I should worry about talking to them but I feel like items wrong, but also.. they might blame me?

Thanks for any feedback..... and my heart goes out to everyone else that has someone with a problem you love.... hardest thing to watch. ❤️