Just wanted to update this thread because I received two of my routine medical test results today that are abnormal and discussed them with my doctors. One of them is of no real concern, just means I'll have to get it done again in a year (instead of 3 years, if it was completely normal). The other one needs further evaluation more urgently and I've already made an appointment for next week, so we'll see. These are not blood tests or anything related to alcoholism, so no reason to discuss them further here, just posting to share that while getting these results causes some anxiety of course, it is so much better mentally to do these preventive screens that can catch potential problems early than the avoidance of doctors I was doing for many years. I feel more mental peace knowing the test results today than still uncertain yesterday and happy that I have a chance to investigate further before any symptoms, if necessary. I think I'll never avoid doctors again in the future, it is a blessing that we have all the great medical technology that can detect and treat issues more effectively. I think I avoided them not because of fear of judgment. I work in the medical field and know that most doctors don't care about judging and, if anything, they are curious and interested if they have a less than completely normal case - I would be the same in their position. It was probably more driven by the same thing that made me lie about sobriety: simply didn't truly want to stop drinking until last November and didn't want anyone to find out anything potentially associated with it and suggest a real change.
And I'm very excited about the second COVID vaccine dose that I'm getting tomorrow. It may make me a bit sick for a day but it's the weekend and I'm so lucky to be fully vaccinated soon!