Of course, trailmix, you are absolutely right. Man, he can show to be a victim...
Yesterday we went to sign one part of the papers, at first we were just standing without speaking, then he asked how the dog was doing. Talked for a while then again we’re just standing. Then when the procedure was over we started walking towards the direction his rehab is in (since he lives there) I said I’d be going to a cafeteria to buy some coffee, he asked if it was okay to join me, I said - ok.
We spend in that cafeteria like 1 hour and a half, talking, mainly him. Complaining about his family, how he doesn’t talk to them, how they don’t understand him, how he thought his father understood something but didn’t, how his sister acting like a b*tch, how she is super unhappy, crying every day (that’s not true btw) and how it’s the fault of his father. How he told his father that he (his father) is screwing up with them (his kids) and blah blah blah. Then he said “they are all sick, at least I’m getting a treatment”. I swear I started laughing, I just couldn’t hold it, it sounded so crazy. He started laughing too. It’s like he gets he is ridiculous, but also doesn’t.
He said now he has 3 personality disorders they diagnosed him with 🤦🏽♀️ Was explaining his sickness and all that kind of stuff. Then at one point he started crying, I got a bit lost, asked him why is he crying. Didn’t know what to do, felt kinda bad for him, tapped his shoulder, put my hand in his and said “I can imagine it’s probably hard for you, but it will be okay. You soon Have one year sober, it’s a positive thing.” Even though I think he is working badly his program. And right there I was thinking “This ass. Did what he did and now crying here in front of me and I am giving him support.” He kept crying, said that no one will come to his one year, that his family won’t come, he can’t even buy cake because he has no money and blah blah. I felt bad, but what can I say. I just said it doesn’t matter because it’s for him first of all, not for his family , and he can cook the cake.
Anyways, all of that time he just talked and talked and not even once asked me how I was 🤦🏽♀️ I just listened to him and thought in my head “Man, you are crazy.”
Then we went to wait for the taxi, he showed me the belt his mother gave him and then added “I showed you the belt, okay? Nothing else.” Referring to his private part. I was like what? Didn’t even get his joke at first.
Then he hugged me and said “Call me if you need anything.” I was thinking “Right”. Came home and he texted “did you arrive?” I said “yes” and that was it.
My softness kills me, but at the same time I’m proud of myself not to start any fight with him, not saying anything to him and just letting myself see how crazy he is right now and how far from genuine recovery.
Btw, he said also that he is stuck in his step 6 and 7 because later it will be about repairing and he feels so bad that he doesn’t want to repair sht.