Guy, thank you for your replies. Of course I know, I know what you are talking about, I understand what you are saying and believe me I really try my best. One day I’m very focused on myself, the other boom and I need to read something to feel better.
I guess it is the fact that I still can’t accept and let go of what he did, it just doesn’t fit in my head how someone can be so cruel and have no empathy whatsoever for someone they have history with and said they loved one day. I guess it’s hard to get because I do have empathy. I can’t even do that with people I feel nothing for.
Another thing is that, I think, I do it because I still try to wrap around my head the fact that he might be sober, but doing all this. (I know, I know you think he isn’t. And sober doesn’t mean recovery.)
I think I also want to feel myself better and think that I’m not the only one he did, do or will do that to.
To help myself understand the This freaking “psychologist” didn’t get a better version of him, the version I thought I’ll be with after the struggle and after the proper recovery.
Tomorrow we are going to sign the divorce papers. I feel pretty bad. I know I’m still young, 25 is not too far yet, but it does feel pretty sh*tty and like a “mini end of the world”.