Hi shortstop,
This is as good a place as any.
Congratulations on your long term sobriety. I'm quite certain that everyone in your circle has benefited from this. I'm really glad to hear you're not thinking about drinking over this.
I'm early in sobriety, but can relate to your absolute dread of conflict. That's a biggie for me because it makes me (made me?) feel "bad" to be involved in that in any way. Like a bad person, you know?
What has helped me tremendously is to learn to value my
self. I can't tell you how to do that anymore than anyone could tell me how to do that. But I can tell you that working with a good psychotherapist, working on my own to figure out what was
really bothering me (deep deep down), reading and listening to other alcoholics... all of those were tremendously helpful in this journey. It was hard work, but so worth it.
You know what broke the bank for me? When I realized that all of the craziness that surrounded me couldn't possibly be
all about me. And there really honestly wasn't a single thing I could do about that aside from agnostically separating myself from the nonsense. It's not that I don't care about the things that really bothered me before - I've just learned to see them as... I dunno, external, I guess.
And honestly, there are still some potential conflicts I avoid like the plague because I don't feel strong enough to handle them. But I've reconciled myself to selectively choosing to put particular aspects of those situations to the side and do my best to move forward regardless.
Not sure if that helps any?
O