Jeff, you sound like you are in such pain, yet trying to convince yourself and others that you really aren't. There are so many people here who are supporting you and rallying you to get to the other side. You stated you haven't been given much credit, but so many people here have given you that credit. You just can't see it right now. That doesn't mean they won't call you out on your BS. You are wondering whether prosperity or death is the choice for you? YOU can make the choice. YOU can come out the other side and be in a better place. But, it's up to YOU. Do you really think you are the only one who's done well in life, only to lose that stature, money, etc?? That doesn't make you better than anyone else here, that makes you EXACTLY like everyone else here. Every single person here has lost something due to addiction. We all share that common thread, so don't even for a second think you are different in that regard. You are searching for something and that something is 100% attainable. I hope you can let go of this anger that seems to have it's hold on you. There are so many people her cheering you on, I hope you can see and feel that. So many people here are speaking their truth to you because they want to see you succeed. Tell me, if one of your favorite and trusted SR friends posted the same things you have recently....what advice would you give to them?