Being there for my friends and family
I just wanted to share this as it’s - well, it’s monumental for me.
My mom had knee surgery in March of last year (just before the pandemic, thank god) and she had been seeing a podiatrist before lockdown happened. They would cut her nails for her as she can’t reach down without great discomfort and potential injury. When I was drinking, I listened to this with utter disinterest and sometimes disgust, and even once said to her “well just because we’re in lockdown, don’t look at me to cut your dirty toe nails!”. Yes, I said that to the woman who gave birth to me and raised me. Swell guy. Anyway. About a week ago or so, I noticed nail clippers in the cupboard. It immediately made me think of my mum, and what felt like the first time (and actually I think it was), I was filled with empathy for her and how could I help? I cut her nails that day. I know this sounds trite and unbelievable, but I assure you it isn’t. Am I becoming empathetic, or was it always there just suppressed? Who knows, but doing something because you care and love for someone sure feels a billion times better than dismissive selfishness.
Today, a friend messaged me basically saying they desperately needed my help and hoped I was awake (it was 12:35 in the afternoon and my friends always knew me as not more likely to be awake at that time than I was to be asleep at 2:37am - no rhyme or reason to sleep pattern) and I was able to say yea! How can I help. They needed help regarding a paper they are working on for uni. I was able to brain storm, help my friend be more calm and begin to articulate ideas, formulate them and write them in a cohesive manner. We worked this way together over the phone and via message for around two hours; I now have a very happy friend who is relieved and taking a well earned rest, and I got the greatest accolade: “I needed you more than anything, and you were there! You replied straight away and saved my life! I’m so glad I can count on you”. My friend will never know how much these words meant to me. For me to be thought of as reliable? Useful?! I’m emotional again! But it’s so moving. I feel so grateful to have these amazing people in my life, and I’m so happy they have me back in their lives; seems I’m not entirely useless or hopeless afterall!
This is uncharacteristically shoddily written but I just wanted to share this. Not as a “I’m so wonderful” post but - look, I can actually do things to be a helpful and loving human! I’m actually a person! Thank you for reading this nonsense haha!