Hi Alleyce, I am also making changes. I’ve had a problem for years with alcohol and lied through my teeth on how much I drank and the frequency with everyone, especially doctors. I had intended to always continue on that route. The closest I ever came to being more honest was a few years ago when I was concerned about something and as I was walking out the door after the visit with the doc I said I was a little concerned because recently I had drank a little more than usual. I was too scared earlier in the appointment to admit it to him. We were already done with the appointment when I admitted it and I’m sure it never even made it into my file.
And here we are a few years later. I’ve had a chronic issue and finally got medical care after avoiding it the last few years (the ONLY reason for avoidance is because I was afraid my liver enzymes would be high and they would “figure me out“. And that it would be a permanent part of my medical record). I’ve avoided the routine medical appointments for a long time and have started scheduling them recently. Reason being, it’s time for a change and all that.
Saw two docs this week. The first doc I saw is the first I‘ve told that I haven’t always been honest with docs and wanted to change that and I’ve been a daily drinker but had recent cut down significantly with the goal of quitting for good. I said I knew it wouldn’t help me or my doctors if I wasn’t honest about it. I’m one of those people who swore to myself I’d never be honest about my drinking to doctors. And even when I started to think maybe I could, I thought I would be sick with worry about their judgement and ridicule. When the appointment came, I wasn’t that nervous about it because I was finally ready to be open so the doc could do his job better for my medical care. This doc was really nonchalant and didn’t cast any judgement on me or admonish me. I didn’t feel weird or ashamed or embarrassed or overly anxious as I thought I would. I walked out proud of myself that I was honest because I’m trying to change my life for the better. In the check out notes it did state alcohol abuse. It bothered me for a second but then I had to tell myself - it is true! It’s a part of my past and I do not want it to be part of my future. I’ve had to let my damn pride go.
I saw another doctor today. Honestly, I did think about minimizing my alcohol use (abuse). This was a new doctor and I had never dealt with this nurse before, who really was just kind of snooty or in a foul mood or something and it just rubbed me the wrong way. But the doc came in and I mentioned some concerns and then said there’s something I’ve never been totally honest about with my doctors and I want to change that and he said drinking? I said yes. I’d never seen this doctor before. I don’t know if he reviewed my chart before coming into the room and assumed (his questions seemed as if he had not reviewed my chart). But again, there was no judgement. It felt like he said drinking just based on his experience as a doctor and someone saying they hadn’t been honest versus what I had previously been talking about. It was kind of like, eh another person who drinks too much. I didn’t feel the shame I thought I would. I felt good about being honest so he could have all the information. He did say that quitting can really make you feel like garbage for awhile, as I already knew from personal experience and all the wise voices here. Of all my issues, he said it was key to quit and I told him I’m working on it and that I’m not perfect but I’m trying. It made me feel better to continue fighting on.
I say all this as someone who always wanted to keep up the facade. But I’m tired of having certain health issues and want to figure them out. The docs can‘t figure it all out if I don’t tell them one very important piece of the puzzle!
I recently had labs and they were all normal. I was incredibly shocked and grateful. Surprisingly, it was those good labs instead of bad labs that prompted me to be honest. Because I thought even though the liver numbers were okay, I could still have something else going on related to my drinking. I was tired of hiding and being ashamed. I figured, hey I drink at home alone - I’m sure they’ve heard worse than that! I’m sure even at everyone’s worst, most docs have heard “worse than that”.
In order to be honest with my docs, I’ve had to let go of my pride. I’ve held on to this damn pride as long as I could. What’s the goal here? Be sober, be healthy? Let’s do everything we can to get there!!