Thanks. I’m crying now. Not sure why. I’m thinking about fessing up to my daughter but scared. I don’t want to add her into the mix of my failure as a mother, human. Though she knows something is not right. Especially when the miserable cow in me comes out, I project it on her now. That’s a new thing with this enhanced drinking I’m doing. I’m losing the ability to even pretend I’m normal anymore. So I lash out.
I’ve always known I had a drinking problem but never thought I was a drunk, if that makes sense. But I know now and I am a drunk. There’s no denying.
Feeling more hungover then usual, which will make work suck but moving forward. Thought of calling out sick, but that’ll just add more guilt to this hurting head of mine. First action out of bed is making the coffee and pouring out my wine. I really want my life back, but not even sure what life I’m talking about. I just want to feel better and be a better person. I need to get off this hamster wheel I’ve been on for way too long.