Well. I just left Youtube and this is the first thing I read...what a coincidence... I was watching videos about aging and people getting in shape in their 70s and 80s (I recently turned 46 and almost a year sober). I was trying to lift my spirits because I'm thinking about aging and death a lot (I always did). I think I was a bit worse when I was your age though...approaching 40 and all. Now I'm past the 45 mark...50 is on the horizon. Yikes!
For me, the solution seems to be coming down to a combination of spirituality and learning to live in the moment. When I'm feeling spiritually connected, there is no death, but instead a transition that awaits. But still, the thought of ever being disconnected from my husband or daughter just breaks me inside. I worry about them way too much.
Here's a thought that helps me sometimes. I think of myself as an elderly person, filled with gratitude for having done all that I can do, but tired too and wanting to rest. I see myself ready to move to the next level, with open arms. Ok, that's enough of that!
I also think about my husbands nan, who lived to be 99. She was very spiritual and WANTED to leave this earth from about the age of 95. So why am I here worrying about something that is inevitable and could actually be a good experience when the time comes? Who knows what we will be like when the time comes?
Really, I think this is something a lot of people struggle with but because it's so dark, many of us don't want to talk about it.
BTW, congrats on your sober time!