It took me a LONG time to realize what boundaries were and that they were for me and my sanity.
Also an affair recovery site mentioned a concept I had not considered before
No contact = No new hurts
The contact with my ex was minimal but I am in a small town and word travels. Once I asked my loved ones to limit the info they shared it helped me heal immensely, was a chance to establish boundaries and also helped me to learn how I wanted other people to treat me.
You got this.