FreeOwl

well.... I'm back to the drawing board. And another Day One. More evidence and ammunition from my experience to reinforce that cannabis is another substance that has the effect that alcohol or other substances do: it takes over and then it's not really ME making the decisions. Or, it's ME... but it's the addictive brain center kicking the rest of ME out of the driver's seat.

Anyway. This week I saw myself rationalize. Plan to use edibles. Purposely avoid logging onto Sober Recovery because I wanted to avoid acknowledging my cannabis use, go for a long run with a friend - who sought some advice about his drinking - but we're running on cannabis..... and today I awake from having had cannabis all weekend feeling the same weight of failure and shame and lack of 'control' that was deeply associated with the result of a drinking binge when seeking sobriety.

It's the same. damn. thing.

And all I can do is dust myself off, admit that I'm beat by this thing, turn back to the tools and make the choice. Again.

I'm 48. To be nearly half a century old and caught up with substances at all while my life moves along the tides of experience without me - because I'm deadened with drugs - isn't what I want. And for me it's not helpful to any real end.

I am powerless over cannabis and my life has become unmanageable
I believe that a power greater than myself can help restore me to sanity
Today, I turn my life and my will over to that power as I understand it