Originally Posted by
drycucumber77 
Hey Saber 33 , thank you for your response. It really does suck. But I have to say I really don't get all of it. I mean I get that our brains are putting themselves back together and I understand some of the PAWS symptoms -despite how horrible they are - but what I don't get is how nearly 400 days after having a panic attack which in all honesty felt like something was violently attacking my body from out of the blue - I still have these episodes where I feel like my breathing is not regulated properly. When I watch carefully, I can see that I am breathing but it just does not feel right, like part of biophysical process that normally takes part in breathing is not functioning properly, I then think I am making myself breathe manually and then fear that I might just stop breathing. I worry that my body learnt to breathe differently and frankly that terrifies me. Yesterday i walked five minutes to my car and had air hunger for no reason - I am hyper aware and hyper sensitive about this which can't help. I also smoke which does not make the feeling worse which is interesting but does elevate heart rate ect and thus anxiety ect. I don't have shortness of breath upon exertion or anything like that, it's not really shortness of breath, more like someone or something is grabbing hold of my oxygen - feels like some sinister dark spell as mad as that may sound!
I have derealization constantly and then brain fog is there most of the day as well. No fun. I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders in my job and if the people who I have to speak to knew that I completely zone out after 15 seconds I would be in serious trouble!! What sort of therapy if I may ask? Does it help? I have no real support at all - I just kind of thought I did a year alone and that it would now get easier - somehow - but I could do with an aid. I would really love to see some of the people who have struggled and overcome PAWS come back on here and tell us how great they are feeling now.
Maybe I can help,
I drank very heavily but it seems I didn't drink as long as some people on this forum and my recovery seems to be a little shorter (SEEMS being the key word, I am by no means out of the woods yet and I still experience PAWS symptoms). For timeline purposes I can tell you that I had my last heavy drink was on July 6th, 2020. I've gone through severe PAWS for the first 3 months and am now in what I consider to be the recovery phase. I've had all the same symptoms as you, derealization, depersonalization, constant brain fog, excruciating anxiety and panic attacks where I couldn't even function for hours and hours, constant feeling like there is nothing in my head except howling wind (insert joke about me being an airhead here). I did not, however, have the breathing issue. But everything else I can offer my insight into.
My PAWS kicked in right on time, a week or two after the initial withdrawal has passed. As I said in one of my previous posts, the first 3 months were horrible. I think the only thing keeping me going was my own pride and ego and the thought that I won't let this thing beat me. After the first 90 days of PAWS, thing VERY SLOWLY but surely started to improve. I felt a tiny improvement every week. The first symptom to go away was insomnia, I started sleeping better and better. Appetite began to return. The lasting symptoms that took a while and are still present is the anxiety. I still got panic attacks well into the 4th and 5th month of recovery. It has now, however, been a few weeks since I've had a panic attack. My quality of life is improving. I have days where I don't notice any symptoms. Today, for example, I didn't even have my usual morning dizziness walking to work. Typically when I have my walk to my workplace I have a spinning head feeling and a general sense of lightheadedness. Today I barely noticed it, being too preoccupied with thoughts of work projects. I am DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY on the road to feeling good.
I am not an expert but based on my limited information from your posts and posts of others on similar forums, I would guess you've drank for quite a few years. Your recovery will most likely, as I would understand, go the same route as mine but over a longer period of time. Which is why I think I feel much better 6 months in and you're still struggling (although I still definitely struggle as well). The depersonalization/derealization WILL go away. Those are tied into your anxiety which is tied into your unbalanced GABA receptors. Depers/Derea (yes, that is what I call them in the little spreadsheet of symptoms I keep) is your body's way of handling overwhelming, raw feelings that you're going through in your new-found sober life. You take everything personally and everything scares you during the initial recovery (when I say "you" I mean a generic person, not you specifically). That will go away with time as your GABA receptors slowly return to normal operations and you learn to live a sober life. Everything for me has hugely subsided although I'm not in the clear yet.
If I had to rate my symptoms I would say in the first 30 days it was 10/10 (peak) intensity and is now 3.5/10 intensity.
This brings me to my last few sentences and to answer your question:
IT DOES GET BETTER! Much better! And with time I think I, and most people here, will return to their pre-drinking normal if they completely.
Recovery is worth it. And remember: not even a single beer. In my experience any amount of alcohol sets your recovery back a bit.