I'm an addict
Tess, I'm not a doctor, but you are taking a pretty heavy cocktail there. Opioids; benzos; anti psychotic, and the flexeril, which I know little about.
Do you drink on top?
Also snorting, thinking about stealing, lying about use. Tess, this constitutes a pretty big problem in my view, and is going to take concerted effort on your part to taper off slowly, safely. I think you will need a medical detox.
"Bad", is the wrong word Tess, but I reckon you have a pretty big problem, wouldn't you agree? But not one that cannot be resolved. Sounds like you have been in a LOT of pain, and easy to fall into the trap. Do you take the opiods to get "high", or to suppress the pain?
Benzos are difficult to get off for some people Tess, please know this, it happened to me.
Honestly believe you will need medically supervised detox Tess. Is your 'pain specialist' approachable? Should be on this count.
Really good that you have made this first 'admission' and recognise you have a problem. You do Tess. This is the first step forward.
You need to talk with your doctor Tess, don't jump of these drugs unsupervised.
It can be done.
Steely 💜