aaaaaand.... back to Day One.
Yesterday a family member came with some cannabis oil and I partook a little. On the bright side, it wasn't a lot and it didn't really impair my day beyond being a little bit fuzzy. I went on a long run with my teenage daughter and had a lot of good conversation with her, plotting and planning and helping her think through her goals as a musician..... so I'm glad that my decision to partake in that didn't remove me from my present life or negatively impact me or my family in the moment. I also slept well for the first time in a week..... but, that's obviously just because the re-introduction of cannabis into my system made my nerves settle enough to just knock out at bedtime....
Anyway, I'm here again, it's Day One again, I'm not going to get lost in shame over that choice. I'm just going to put it out here, look at why I chose that, journal and stay sober and clean today.
Curiously, I also had a very good friend reach out to me yesterday - torn over his father's late-stage alcoholism. He was seeking an ear, he didn't want to keep bringing his father alcohol anymore... his father begging him to.... he, knowing if he stops his father is likely to die very soon of his withdrawals. That summoned up some things for me - including scratching the lock on the box in which I've been keeping the emotions about losing my sister this year to addiction.
I have my work laid out before me....
Thanks for listening.
Off to Sober-Clean Monday.