Day five... awaking from having had night sweats quite badly. Happening a LOT this year. I'm not sure what that's about, but it's become a norm. Last night's fitful sleep came with marijuana dreams. A stolen bus, fleeing from something. Trying to get places in this madcap caper of a dream, coursing through Mexico, trying to avoid being caught, continuing to try and sneak away with weed in my pocket to find a moment to roll a joint and get high.
I don't think people who don't have problematic relationships with substances have dreams about their substance use. Yet another mirroring of my experience with alcohol.
I also had several fleeting thoughts - not so much cravings, but definite moments yesterday where I had serious, fleeting considerations of running out to a dispensary.
So, more evidence.
This morning I journaled. Haven't done so in quite a while.
Last night, I had a deep and meaningful conversation with a good friend whom I've had little time or connection with over the past 9 months - despite sharing an office.
Each day, I've gone outside and I've asked for help..... a sponsor once coached me, "In the morning, just say 'please help me'.... at night before bed, just say 'thank you'.... that's the only thing you need to do to connect with your Higher Power.
So I've been doing that again. Hadn't done it in a long time. It does work.
Happy Sunday everyone.