boreas

I do a fair bit of teaching/public speaking for my job, and it sends my anxiety levels through the roof. So much so that I know eventually I’ll find other work that doesn’t go so against the grain of what makes me tick. My speaking gigs always involve travel, so there are occasions driving home that my brain remembers that picking up a bottle (or three) was part of the ritual and “reward”. Thankfully, the rest of my brain knows we just don’t do that anymore.

One thing I learned when I sobered up was that alcohol use made that same anxiety so much worse. My baseline coping skills were so friggin’ poor that I was almost sick for each performance. I am thankful that now, even with the pit-sweat and racing heart, I can soberly examine my body’s response and consciously try to mitigate the effects. It is rough though, and there are times I wistfully remember the days when I believed the lie that sitting on the couch drinking made it all better. In reality, it was like more anxiety in liquid form.
-bora