Originally Posted by
SmallButMighty 
Slauz, I am so sorry you are going through this. I understand exactly how you feel. I was married for long time to a man who admitted he was an alcoholic and would periodically attempt sobriety, just to throw it all out the window all over again. It was an awful cycle for both of us. The broken promises and lies lead to such distrust that it broke our marriage beyond repair. I also heard things like, "I will only have a couple and only at home"... just to have him get wasted somewhere else and then drive home (his drunk driving was another anxiety inducer for me). This behavior brought on so many negative feelings....fury, fear, fatigue, just to name a few. I do believe my ex husband meant it when he would initially say he was going to get help, that he wanted to stop drinking.. only to find out, time and time again, that it is HARD work to actually get to the bottom of what caused the alcoholism in the first place. He wasn't willing to put in that work, it was easier to try and drown that pain in a bottle of vodka, so that is what he continues to do. The big difference , for me, is that I am no longer along for that ride.
I would highly suggest you read, Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie. It is an easy read that will really resonate with you, as well as teach you some things about detaching and boundaries. Whether you decide to leave or stay it would be valuable knowledge for you. It was a real life saver for me.
Please remember, as much as his decision to pour booze down his gullet does affect you, it isn't ABOUT you and it isn't directed AT you. He is drinking because that is what alcoholics do. He can't just "love" you enough to stop drinking. I was hung up on that for a long time. It wasn't about a lack of love on either of our parts... alcoholism has nothing to do with love. We can't love them better. We can't fill that broken space inside them with our own love, they have to learn to do that all on their own.
I know how painful all this stuff is. I hope you are reaching out to all your available sources of support. Keep hanging out here with us, we get it. *hugs*
I really feel like I could have written half of this, thank you so much for sharing with me. I will definitely be looking at that book. It’s devastating because he really is an amazing man and he’s still so young and he’s throwing it all away. When he was getting sober even though he talked of ending the marriage I at least had hope he would finally be the father our son deserves but that just isn’t the case sadly... At this point I’m biding my time to save the necessary money to get my son and I to a better situation. Luckily physical violence is not a concern mental and emotional damage though is taking its toll