My deepest sympathy to you, Robbie. That's a very sad story. Everyone processes grief a little differently. When my father passed away a few years ago, I felt a mix of emotions. He, too, had been in very poor health for years and had almost no life left. He was very unhappy and when he passed I also felt like perhaps he wanted to go, because he was unable to do almost everything he enjoyed. It had been painful for him and his friends and family for him to be living that way. I was sad, but also calm, and frankly, a bit relieved. I had to arrange everything, so I needed all my wits about me. I managed to stay sober even though there were really hard days, and I'm so glad I did. I'm happy that you were sober when he actually passed. I understand the temptation to just numb yourself and escape with alcohol, but you have now discovered that it's preferable to be sober and thinking clearly at these times. You will be in my thoughts.