Forevertoolong----I can imagine what a big pill this is for you to swallow----the fact that the two of you are on completely different pages as to your roles in the marriage and family living.
Actually, I suspect that your situation is far more common than you think it is. I do agree that most men (people) probably don't say it o ut loud as directly as your husband does! They probably do commiserate about it at the pub, with their drinking buddies.
He wants the one kind of life style, and you want a very different one (one with raising and nurturing the children as a central focus). Of course, you would come across as nit picking, hen pecking and controlling, in your efforts to corral him more in line with a parental role---and, minus the drinking, also!
It is true---some people are simply not up to the hands on parenting responsibiflities---for myriad of reasons. I guess that we could make a list about a mile long of the possible reason for that, couldn't we!?
Again, It is not too surprising that his parents had the same kind of issue in their unhappy marriage----and, that most of his male friends have the same issues in their marriages.
I am sooo glad to hear that you are not going to "just accept it" like so many of the other women. By not doing so, I really do think that you are sparing yourself and your children an enormous a mount of future pain.
In searching my memory.....I, actually, have known of several people who actually choose to never have children. They say that they simply have no desire to do so. For them--I think that is is good that they already know that about themselves and say it out loud, before the fact. This gives their potential spouses a heads-up and a clear choice to make. I th
ink that a lot of couples just drift into it.
For you. forever too long---YOU do want children and enjoy having them. So, you and they will be a blessing to each other. I think that you do have some blessings, even in this disappointing turn of events. You have been able to have beautiful and healthy children---while some women are unable to have children. Your husband does seem willing to go peacefully and be able to support the children financially---both, blessings.
Good for you that you are facing the reality, now, rather than several unhappy years down the line.