Hi Elysian. I'm sorry you have been hurt by all this.
It sounds like he is completely confused. That's not unusual in early recovery. The words he used: "do whatever it took", "for him it's life or death" - are words I have heard many times here at SR, I'm going to guess these are words spoken at AA.
The no new relationships for a year thing is just a suggestion, it's not actually part of AA. It's probably a good suggestion, relationships, especially new ones can be challenging and if there is conflict and uncertainly, for example, it might be hard to stay sober.
But is this really even a "new" relationship? How many months have you been together 2? It's not like you met last week and you were (from what you have written) doing fine?
The guideline or suggestion doesn't say - break up with your girlfriend.
Anyway, sounds like he is taking the advice of his sponsor and/or group and I don't mean to downplay that. I'm not an alcoholic and I'm not giving an opinion on what will and won't work for him.
Here is the thing. This is not ALL about him, it's about you too right? Your feelings and wellbeing are just as important as his. Do you want to be with someone who could just end your relationship based on a guideline and suggestions? If, in fact, his sobriety is on such a thin thread, is that someone you want to base your future relationship on? Just mentioning this as you don't really have to worry about him, but maybe focus on yourself, taking care of yourself, doing what you enjoy.
Yes, it hurts and it's going to hurt for a while, but you will be ok and you won't always feel this terrible.
I would really recommend that you visit the friends and family of alcoholics forum as well (it's a bit busier than this forum) and even post over there if you would like (addiction is addiction). Also there are many threads over there to read that might resonate with you.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/